~UPS and downs of LiFe~

2002-03-18T12:25:00.000-08:00

jerk jerk JERK..i hate it when people change...for the worse anyway...not very pleasant at all :P especially when you thought they were your friend....

march break was quite productive....catching-up-on-homework-wise...yay me..

i think i'm destined to wander this earth with only a few REAL friends....used to bug me that i couldn't relate to a lot of people (therefore making me feel like i was weird or something) but now i think i'm ok with it...cuz these friends are like my family...thanks for caring for me and for making me laugh...

props to the P+P team for friday..that was the best P+P in a while :)

hmm..i've been very random today....gosh i sound depressed...but i'm not really...my brain is fried (too much Days..teehee...crap, i'm so obsessed)

2002-02-16T15:43:00.000-08:00

whoa..what the heck happened to my january blog? nieh....whatever....so charles bugged me to update...so this is it!

here's what's been goin on in february:
..........

hmm....pretty pathetic....i'm so caught up wth school that i don't have/make time for anything else...

I realized something at last night's P+P: you know how the first commandment is like, you shall have no other gods before me? well it sounds really stupid but i think that's what school has become....it's not like a worship it in the strict sense, like "oh TFS i LOVE you"...eww...i hope i never say that! but it's almost like it kinda defines my existence....i live and breathe it...without school and my good marks, where would i be? i feel like such a loser cuz i never go out cuz i'm always working..and when i'm not working, i feel bad...i guess it's good to an extent..but when it takes precedence over your relationship with God then it's not such a good thing...must work on that...i think i'm getting better

i found out a lot of my friends at school have blogs..it's a revolution!!! =) and they all have these link to personality tests and stuff..it's so fun to go on their blogs! u know what i foudn out about myself? i'm most like KANGA among all the winnie-the-pooh characters, i'm the greek goddess HESTIA, i'm the POP TARTS of all breakfast foods, i'm a CHERRY out of the fruits, and my high school label is UNIQUE...jsut like everyone else! bahahaha....

it was SOOOOO nice to get back to kyrios...i really miss talking with people...and at the P+P i saw my old friends from PCA..that was so cool! they bring back good memories...=) and i saw lotsa the grads...and i gave derek a big hug cuz i was so happy for him!!! yah!

ok so after all my friends left me to go to the after party yesterday, i decided that i need to live on the edge a little...be a teenager for crying out loud! and not to bash after-parties when i've never even been to one and when the only experience i've ever had with after-parties are the stories i've heard about people doin retarded things and getting totally smashed/stoned, etc....but i guess the one turn off for me that is REAL is that some of these people that i hear stories about are my friends....but then, a lot of my other friends aren't like that....well, there's a first time for everything...except, my first time will probably be my last in high school...oh well....there's always university ;D

2002-01-13T20:46:00.002-08:00

new year...new blog...it's been a while =)

just to sum up....this new year hasn't gotten off to the best start...but, in the grand scheme of things, i think *crossing my fingers* that everything will work out...

school wise: it is a humongous PAIN THE THE BUTT right now...like..i'm in about the worst possible situation...well i guess it's not THAT bad compared to other things that could happen..but for me it's pretty devestating..=P whatever..i'll get over it

church wise: i'm SO excited for thsi new year! not only are we starting up new stuff at TM3C, but we're relaly growing! and it's jsut relaly encouraging..and i'm getting to know more people..which is good...and hopefully i can help carry some of the leadership burdens that i dumped on other people while i was killing myself over school...i relaly wanan make the most of the months i have left at this church...

kyrios: what can i say..it's a bumpy ride! but so far, it seems really good..i think clem had a good idea when he said he would let us jsut kinda follow our passions and focus on planning a program that we feel inspired to do...instead of just planing any old program...and i hope after snow camp we'll have more focus on God and tighter relationships with each other

relationships: i think everything's goin pretty well on the people level...i'm relaly grateful for my friends right now...especially those i'm close to...ike (for talking me thru my panic attack at snow camp), jon (jsut for being the super guy u are), mich + vicki (for keeping me sane at school)....i know they prolly won't ever see this, but u guys ahve really carried em thru these past weeks...

spiritually: running VERY low...i have a lot of support from certain people right now, especially mike and jon....and it's really nice jsut to know that GOd has put people like this into my life..but somehow i can't bring myself to face God straight on...not only do i feel bad for just not being relaly faithful for a while, but also with my crazy life right now, i'm having a hard time arranging my priorities...gotta work on this or else, in teh words of mike, i'm gonan "crack REALLY hard"...great

such is the essence of my life...not very interesting, but i like it like that =)

oo..btw, michael vartan is HOT =D

2002-01-13T20:46:00.001-08:00

2002-01-13T20:46:00.000-08:00

2001-10-31T21:21:00.000-08:00

i smell trouble..and it's very stinky

i miss people a lot...not only the grads who i haven't talked to for a million years...but even some of my friends that are still here....it's so hard to stay close during the school year..and i feel really bad and worried....

i'm so happy that anthony came back from princeton for the week!!! wow..what a smart guy...and yet he can be such a moron! =) but he's someone who can really take my sarcastic crap...haha..funnee dood

school's hard....really hard....

God's there..but not HERE....is it possible to feel God working within you even though u haven't spent time with Him or talked to him for a while? man, when school starts, it really hits hard! relationships and everything else are just brushed aside..this is not good

I really hope ike learns how to dance by sat..altho i'm sure he'll have a fab time at the slots! hehe...

ok..just felt like blabbing..i'm done

2001-10-22T21:32:00.000-07:00

HI HI!

i have no idea why i'm so perky....i think i'm compensating for earlier today when i was spazzing at my friend and then settled into a nice mood of gloom and doom..oo, that rhymed....yup..a regular grumpy the dwarf...too bad that position's already been taken =)

why was i so grumpy? first and foremost, history sux....i have a university prof for goodness sakes! he doens't teach us anything in class and makes us do everything at home...so much reading! sound familiar, grads? honestly, i 've been spending these last two weekends preparing a history seminar, research essay draft, reading up for an in-class essay and quiz...plus playing countless games of Solitaire during three hour stretches in front of the comp and consuming 3 bags of Haloween chooclate...and where did this get me? a numb bum and 20 pounds heavier! =) hehe..j/k...and this is only a taste of university..but i think it's gonna help dull the shock a little next year =P
oh SPEAKING of universities, i left all my scholarship apps till now..and when i asked my guidance counsellor to write the primary ref letter for me, she spazzed so bad..not that i blame her..especially w/ the number of peeps that are applying to the US from my grade....argh...so much pressure

our bible study went really well on friday! at i think it did...at least ppl showed up! =) yay! and they actually talked!

yup.....i'm feeling better now cuz....i just am....God's peace is a powerful thing...it's a lot easier when u put it in His hands so u don't have to worry about everything...Ike told me on friday that i have to enjoy the process (hence the name of his blog i guess)...and i think that's so true...i have to keep everything in perspective...if i know that something is helping me, i think i'm more motivated to do it...like my extended essay....which at the moment is just a big obstacle...thanx to jeff for jsut checking up w/ me on that..even tho my answer is the same every week =P hehe

song of the moment: i thought she knew by NSYNC....ok, words are irrelevant here...the harmonies are jsut SO GOOD..i listened to it three times in a row and it really helped to calm me down =) oh..and also come what may from MR....summer memories...sniff =)

u know what i found out? the moulin rouge actually exists!!! my dad went to france for a business trip, but since he was paying his own way there, he had to stay somewhere relatively cheap...which is basically unheard of in france...so he ended up in a really ghetto area near...the moulin rouge!!!! and he told me that he was actually gonna go see the can can dances!!! HAHA...he's such a weirdo =) one other thing that i found out and regret not taking advantage of: a couple fo years ago, my dad got two tix to france for a conference and 4 NIGHTS in the CHAMPS ELYSEES!!! and stoopid me..i said i wanted to go to school!!!! argh...what a dorkette...and now that i acutlaly odn't mind missing school and i'm old enuf to appreciate the culture, i can't go because of stupid OAC junk! booooooo. not that we'll ever get another chance cuz of the sucky economy (meaning my dad's suppliers won't pay his way toa conference anymore) **kicking myself in the bum**

yah ok..soo....good luck to the grads on their remaining exams! buhbye!

2001-10-14T14:09:00.000-07:00

JENSEN ACKLES IS ON DARK ANGEL!!!!! what a hottie! ;D hehe...well he is! joshua's cute too..even tho he's half a dog...he's so simple and sweet....ah well...anyone even know what i'm talking about?

2001-10-14T13:48:00.000-07:00

boy..this day just keeps getting better and better....

i think i'm going to cry...no..scratch that..i'll just stay up till 3 tonite worrying/ doin hw...and then wake up in time for my 7:30 am eng commentary at school tomorrow!

school is being very....difficult

2001-10-07T21:07:00.000-07:00

hi all....i feel like i am living a wonderful dream but also a nightmare at the same time....but i don't want to start this blog by complaining..God has given me too much to be thankful for so....

Thanks to steph for being there when it counted....what was upset about probably seemed really trivial to you but u still took time out to pray for me and stuff....=)..i apreciate that
thanks to charles to for just listenin to me about the whole incident
Thanks to God for FINALLY bringing caroline to kyrios...i geuss everything's in His own time
A BIG THANK YOU to clem and the counsellors....i never thought about how u guys were doin spiritually until clem kinda brought it up at the SMT meeting...kyrios is so lucky to have all of you as cousellors, u who are willing to sacrifice fellowship with your peers in order to be our friends and give us guidance....i hope that whenever u guys are feeling burnt out and tired, u'll tell us and so we as leaders can give in extra effort on our part.
thanks to ron fro jsut being the best big brudder... for always being teh first person to call me up whenever something's goin on..and jsut for being there to talk...
thanks to God for bringing some non-christians into out fellowship...it's so exciting when u have an opportunity to do His work...especially with someone as enthusiastic as Viv....i'm still really unsure about ann, mike, and jeff....like, i know they're not bad ppl....jsut a lot harder to reach.....
Thanks to all the other SMT ppl for working together to make programs run smoothly....
Thanks to God for a pretty cool cell group =)
thanks to jeff jsut for beingaperson i can always count on to care for me...to just see how each other's week went..or just a quick hi
Thanks to God for helping me stay sane...i'm gonna need His help more than ever in these following weeks....
the list goes on....

i hope patty's feels better soon....i liked her before when she actually said HI to me when i came near her! =) hehe...
i hope carmen is ok too...i'm not sure what's goin on....but i have vibes =)..hang in there girlie...
i hope all the grads had a nice time at home....it was cool having u guys back!

oo oo! guess what?? i went to CNE today with a bucnh of students from all different grades in our high school..and we sorted food for the daily bread food bank! it was really hectic but a lot of fun..the snaks they served were kinda raunchy tho...=P hmm...some weird stuff i found during the sorting: a box of crayons, hairspray/shampoo, iodine drops or something like that, packages of soy sauce that u get from Japanese restaurants..hehe....

ooookay....looong blog....word of advice: don't blog when u still have a freakin 4000 wd reasearch essay to do! =P

2001-10-01T00:27:00.000-07:00

so tired....i fell like i haven't stopped working this whole entire week...except when i bummed around all day on sat.....stoopid me....so hard...can't wait till....thanks...giving!!!! zzzzz......

2001-09-13T18:47:00.000-07:00

Psalm 22:3-5

Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One; you are the praise of Israel.
In you our fathers trusted and you delivered them.
They cried to you and were saved; in you that trusted and were not disappointed.

May we follow the example of those who came before us and trust in our amazing God amidst this tragedy.

2001-09-13T18:42:00.000-07:00

Lord, u know what kind of unimaginable destruction has been happening on this Earth. you know that it was the corruption of humankind that made these terrorists kill thousands of people. But i also know that u are an awesome God who has ultimate control of all the events that happen and that u have a purpose for letting things happen. i know that u are a compassionate God who is weeping with the ppl in the US and all the world. Lord, i pray for those who have lost loved ones in this tragedy. I pray that they will not turn away from u, but instead look to u for comfort. I pray for the PResident who ahs a lot of responsibility on his shoulders right now. Please give him guidance and not let his heart turn from u. PLease help him not to act out of vengeance becasue that could have terrible consequences. I pray for those who are still stuck either in Canada or in the US. Please be with them during these difficult times of uncertainty and reassure them of ur presence. already we can see the silver lining of this tragedy. Many people are working together to directly help out with the rescue, and others in all parts of the world are doin what they can to help. This tragedy hit us all hard...but now strangers meet on the street and are united by their feelings of compassion and sadness. Please do not let any anger dominate over these feelings. We are so thankful that we can still cling to u for hope. thank u so much for ur eternal grace and love. may ur justice be done in this situation. i ask all this in Jesus's name, amen.

2001-09-06T18:13:00.000-07:00

carmen is a nut =)..hey i meantioned u again!! =) j/k

anyone know that song by jaci velasquez "if this world"? i enver really listened to the words before until Charles played it agian when he and steph were over at my house....and i think it applies so well to me. sometimes i can be on top of the world and feeling totally comfortable with the people around me...but the majority of the time, i feel like i'm falling in between the cracks of my environment...and i feel very alone...especially now since i'm back at school and i'm not really close with anyone except michelle who isn't in any of my classes!!! =( it's such a contrast to my summer, when i spent my days jsut chilling with steph/ron/charles/gordon etc. but still...i've always felt like i don't quite fit into this world....that i'm just...different. i try not to think about it but certain events/blogs jsut make me dredge this all up again. blah.

there's something i need to get of my chest but i dunno if it's safe to even talk about it yet....grrrr.

school sux. i've already been late once and it's only been my second day...crap.

oh! happy birthday to DAVE, CLINTON, LAURIE..and i think LIL??? hope u guys had a good time, wherever u were!

2001-09-02T23:26:00.000-07:00

ok bloggerino..one more try! meh, i don't really have much to say..actually i have too much to say and i'm afraid that it gonan go into the blog belly and not publish! grrr..... life is not bad..i was, i guess u could say, "grounded" for a while..altho my parents call it "discipline now, fun later".

carmen..u better come back from the states soon....boo u

i dun wanna go back to school!!! so very depressing

bye bye grads....we love u and we'll miss u....and u guys better miss us too and not forget us!! but i'm excited about the new kyrios year....hopefully we'll be as good leaders as the grads =)

hmm..life is bittersweet..yup. sigh..nite.

2001-08-05T22:53:00.000-07:00

i think i'm goin to ditch blog....it keeps losing my stoopid posts....

2001-07-12T00:02:00.000-07:00

testing testing one two fwee...

2001-06-24T15:35:00.000-07:00

what a week...my mom's friend, my grandpa, ada...they all need my prayers....i feel so terrible for all of them....i know ada will get better because she's still young and strong and all..but i'm not so sure about teh other two..i feel so bad and i wanna do something but i guess all i can do is pray most of the time...i should go visit my grandpa...okee buhbye

2001-06-22T00:07:00.000-07:00

someone PLEASE tear me away from those harry potter books....yes, i know half of u are laughing ur heads off/shaking ur heads at me...but they're sooo good! =P aiyah...spent the whole day reading that fat fourth book..nooooo...=P

finally i can play softball again..so happy....=)

*yawn* tired..must sleep...

2001-06-12T19:34:00.000-07:00

i can't believe this..i just spent half an hour pouring my heart out in my blog..and how does it react? by losing my blog....i don't think i can retype it...too emotional...but i think that the msot important thing is I never forget everything i wrote about....

dear grandpa: happy early father's day...u don't know how much it means to be able to say this to u (even tho u'll never read this)....i luv u..i'm so gald that ur'e still here with us...and i will never forget what u have done for my mom, aunts and uncle..and for me...i believe u have been a good and faithful; servant...may God bless u now and forever

2001-06-05T11:23:00.000-07:00

I'M DONE SCHOOL!!!!! *big triumphant, almost gone-insane smile* needless to say i'm really happee...of course i still have exams, but that's NOTHING compared to the hell this last month put me thru..thanx to everyone who helped me thru it! =) g'luck to all of u who are struggling thru the last weeks of school and those of u who are in the midst of prepping for exams!!

for discipleship, koon suggest that we read 1 Timothy....i'm really glad cuz i ahven't read the BIble in a while....and i find it really interesting...Paul is very clear about how Christians should act and how leaders of the church are supposed to be chosen and how they should act and stuff...some of it isn't SO relevant in my life....like the parts about the deacons and the widows and stuff...but there have been some verses that have really stood out at me...i can't really explain it right now..maybe later....

2001-05-29T18:05:00.000-07:00

yes! i finished my IB english oral..which is good.....but i dunno just HOW good i did...everytime i mentioned to soemone which passage i got, they gave me this look and went "ugghhhh.." seriously..not a good sign =P but i think i did OK considering the fact that i crammed at lunch and that's it...=P

ah well..one big thing down...three more to go...and all within these three days too!! oh man, i'm gonna die...i feel like such a baby...=( somone shoot me....

2001-05-28T19:00:00.000-07:00

just got my SAT scores back....what a bummer...=P ah well....i'm not out to get 1600..like SOMEONE i know...=) but i really wanted to get higher than i did...doh...

can't wait till friday can't wait till friday can't wait till friday CAN'T WAIT TILL FIRDAY!!! sigh....and then come the exams...joy

buhbye...

2001-05-27T22:14:00.000-07:00

i have almost given up on the hope that one day i'll be able to actually motivate myself to do work on time..honestly..i wanna just kick myself right now....i was so pumped to do my work this weekend...well not pumped but determined......but i STILL COULDN'T DO IT!! can u imagine how fustrating that is? prolly not....=P

2001-05-27T13:40:00.000-07:00

this blog is just pretty much me thinking to myself...so it may not be all that interesting for most of u....

in Sunday school, we were studying the parable of the talents....and i was talking to my mom about it last night...and i was listening to her read it and i thought to myself "gee, judging from the lazy servant's reply to the master, the master actually sems pretty selfish!"....and i was really confused, cuz this is supposed to help us understand the nature of God and i know He's not greedy..and today in Sunday school, for one of the questions, it asked why the master was mad or something...and one guy said it was cuz he was greedy.....and at first, i agreed with him...like, for the whole entire class the teachers were trying to show us that it wasn't the amount of $ that mattered, it was the servant's attitude...but i still wouldn't buy it until i read the story really closely....i was reading the master's reply to the first two servants..he didn't say, "well done, good and faithful servant..now i have more money!"...he said "well done, good and faithful servant....you have been faithful with a few things..i will put u in charge of many things". obviously God isn't greedy....he just wants us to do our best in using whatever he has given us! we have to prove that we can handle certain responsibilities....

cool....i just glanced thru Matthew and realized that there's two separate stories about Jesus feeding the 5000 AND Jesus feeding the 4000...the stories are practically identical..what with the loaves of bread and fishes....boy, did EVERYONE eat that in those days???

anyways..today's sermon was pretty interesting....at least I thought so..it was about cults and stuff....the speaker advised us not to deal w/ the JW's without a lot of resaerching and what not...too bad, i woulda liked to do what dennis did...=) but i hope this and my whole evolution thing will help motivate me to study the BIble more...

good luck w/ exam prep everyone!! specially u private school ppl....ahhhh!!!! =/..and pray for John...a friend whom he's known for a while got hit by a pickup....she'll be ok but it sux cuz she wanted to be a dancer.....soo....=P

ok..getting drowzzzzy..time to go...=)

2001-05-26T16:26:00.000-07:00

salut mes amis.....je suis so 'appee zat blog eez back up....=) wow....my french is ALREADY deteriorating...

one note to ike: thanx so much for keeping me in ur prayers....i appreciate it a lot....=)

yesterday was prolly one of the WORST days i've had in a while.... no use goin into detail about it....but my one HILIGHT of the day was that i saw The Mummy Returns w/ Ron and CJ..very entertaining..specially the lil pygmies fighitng over the dynamite! hehe....and we bumped into Timmy and Eric on the way..that was cool =) CJ better be studying today tho or else she's never gonna get to come out w/ me ever again! =P hope jeff got to go to dinner....

weird.....i was dying for blog to get started up again..and now that it is i can't really think of anything to say...

oh!! one big thing tho...EXAMS!! can't forget those....actually it's really funny cuz i know i'm gonna have a harder and more stressful time this week cuz ALL my major assignments ( that i put off) are due...and i have two on-the-spot orals.....and another one which isn't on the spot....i can't wait for kyrios this fri...partly cuz it's gonna be an AWESOME program....and partly cuz it'll be the conclusion of a long LONG week...sigh....but exam week is gonna be so sweet....well prolly semestered ppl have it better off....but i DO only have 5 exams....and with days in between so i can cram too!! my specialty...=)

alright y'all..time for me to get goin......*muah*

2001-05-22T20:35:00.000-07:00

'ello 'ello 'ello!!!

hmm.. haven't blogged for a while....just haven't been using the comp for a while...nieh =P

ok, i just finished watching the season finale of dark angel....i am SO hooked on that show and i've only watched three episodes in total!!! jessica alba may be pretty but she can't act for beans....nieh....it bugs me that i get so emotionally involved in movies/TV shows..pretty much anything i see on TV.....i almost started crying during the show....it really hits me hard when someone is willing to die for another person....can u imagine how much love that would take? such a high price to pay...reminds me of Someone who i never give enough credit to and to whom i will always feel indebtted to for life...sigh...

anyways...i pretty much did absolutely NOTHING over the weekend....my best procrastinating job by far! went to Korean bbq on fri..had a good time...had ice cream at kathy's house and watched end of game 6....so HAPPY! then got a ride from clint..gawked at his awesome CD player thing the whole way home...sooo cool...all the lights!

went out for breakfast on sat, then to a mongolian buffet for lunch..VERY interesting....then went to my friend's house to do a proj (well i geuss i got something done..sorta).....went to church on Sun....my cousin came w/ me..YAY! =) then went to aaron's hosue for a bbq....that was ..interesting...got so stressed out over the game....so SAD =(....watched "grease"...then .watched aaron and gordon prove their "manliness" by their consumption of wasabi...that was kinda disgusting..but funny =) played mario kart w/ john and edith..quite entertaining...listened to my parents and a bunch of other adults singing oldies at the top of their lungs upstairs.....yes, i know i know..i was singing along too!!!=P

monday: went out w/ koon and steph for lunch..that was really nice and enjoyable..thanx u guys!!! =)

all in all it was a pretty fun weekend..and now i'm suffering..as usual....i've come to realize that i live by a "play first, work later" type of creed....nieh (nieh nieh hok hok wheee...carmen!) ...oh guess what?? i volunteered to help out for the dragon boat races at centre island!!! can't wait....

can't wait for softball to start either...vida's team is already starting practices on saturday..can we start too?? actually i don't think i'd have any time anyways...=P

oh can someone answer my questions that i posted on the kyrios blog???

alright enuf ranting and raving...tata

2001-05-18T13:22:00.000-07:00

hmmm...today was weeeird.....just one o' dem days....

i slept at 5 yesterday....or 5 this mornin..whatever u wanna call it..stoopid history essay!! again...in total,i've lost 10 hours of valuable sleeping time..grr. but surprisingly, i wasn't tired today at all....it's allll adrenaline =) but i DID squeeze out 1800 words ..which is good i guess....

wow, my room is spanking clean..and i mean SPANKING! i think the last time i saw my floor was during the summer....ewwwww. actually we did a whole cleaning of our house....we had spiderwebs everywhere..so narsty....imagine living in one of those "haunted houses" that ppl set up during halloween..that's MY house....well almost!

omigosh...i think they kicked shannen doherty off charmed...as if anyone cares about this cept patty....AAHHH!! what is the show gonna do w/out her?? i think she kept fighting w/ alyssa milano or something...man, why can't she get along w/ anyone??? goin thru teh rebellious years all over again...=P

anyways those were my random thoughts for today...as u can tell, my head is almost completely void of anything meaningfull...toodles

2001-05-16T22:21:00.000-07:00

well....i don't care..i'm just gonna write about my day again cuz i was pleasantly surprised ...until blogger screwed me over..=P

so ANYWAYS....i got this really great opportunity....yesterday, i found a note on my locker saying that i had to go see the guidance office secretary lady...so of course i went....and guess what? she told me about this thing that an organization called "save the children" was having. I found out that STC was part of the United Nations and they were holding a conference about Children's rights (children being under 18....yay me..still a kid)..but anyways, what was cool about this conference was that they wanted young ppl from every country to go to teh conf to represent their country..and NO they were not asking me to rep Ontario...darn...but i got to do the next best thing! well sorta...anyways, everyone who wanted to rep their province had to fill out an application form....and the canadian gov't decided that since this was a conference concerning the rights of young ppl, and that young ppl would be goin to express their opinions, then young ppl should judge their apps! which is really cool....so the guidance person was looking for ppl who had a spare in the afternoon today and guess who had one? ME! a person from STC brought over apps that came from ppl in Quebec for students in our school to judge since we were all mostly bilingual! so the guidance lady got me and three other ppl to judge the apps..it was so neat! so here's what i got outta that experience:
1) free pizza and drinks...mmmm....
2) a practical way to use my bilingualism
3) a good thing to put on my resume..so said the guidance lady
4) connections to the UN....hopefully i can get a job there someday or something...=)
5) aaaannnnddd.....25 buckaroos!! can u beleive it?? i mean, all we did was judge fairly short apps for less than an hour....and we got paid! sweet....

oh guess what? another milestone.I FINISHED FRENCH!!! meaning the course...oh yah! i mean, it's not that i dont' like frenhc...in fact, i really enjoy it...but after spending the whole year reading 300 page book, analyzing texts, and writing essays, it gets just a little annoying! but i justhope i don't forget it....cuz i worked hard to get to this point!

mmm...can't wait for korean bbq =)

2001-05-16T22:01:00.000-07:00

SCREW BLOGGER! my whole long blog...gone

2001-05-14T21:26:00.000-07:00

more and more, i feel like i've grown really attached to TM3C....or more specifically, to the people...the girls and guys (especially the guys) are some of the most unselfish people i've ever met. i look at them and i can't imagine what their life must be like....stlll carrying around a lot of their chinese heritage, finding it hard to make friends in school, struggling sometimes with the language, trying to make ends meet while living in basements....it's so overwhelming ..and for them, it's like church and fellowship are havens for them....they appreciate these gatherings, big or small.....and they're really ncie, open-minded ppl too...amidst the difficulties of adapting to a fairly new country..

well, just as i thought......my little guy problem phase is over...as usual...it never lasts very long...thank goodness.....=)

u know what? i went to a really cool workshop on saturday....really interesting and inspiring...yah, just thought u might like to know....

YEESSS!! no more french!!!! =D

it's really interesting how several ppl have had either passing or still present fetishes w/ "life" by olp...yah, cuz it's a neat-o song! btw, check out timmy's blog..his cartoon is so funny....

"to all a goodnight"-santa clause

2001-05-10T21:55:00.000-07:00

i have no life..what kinda person has time to blog twice a day?? someone like me.....who lives by the rules of procrastination..i'm gonna die....=P

i like reading all of ur blogs....whether or not we're really good friends...they're really funny and they give me a good laugh...but a lot of times they're really insightful too....i think ur character really shows thru ur blogs...it's cool =)

u know what's really annoying? all the see-too-pid reality shows..i was channel surfing and i came upon a show called "surprise wedding' or something..SO LAME! i dunno why i stayed to watch..maybe cuz i wanted to see ppl humiliate themselves...no that's mean. but HONESTLY! there's like, 5 girls, who want to propose to their bfs on national television?? why are ppl so retarded?? and there's this one girl who met her "bf" thru the net...honestly, i think relationships on the net can be so deceiving...blah..ppl are so blind....and she has spent time w/ him in real life for only a month..and now she wants to freakin marry him!! and there's this one lady who says her bf is afraid of committment....so what makes her think he's gonna wanna committ now??? sheesh....so fustrating....for the life of me, i can't understand these ppl...

2001-05-10T10:25:00.000-07:00

i think i'm gonna cry...i almost started crying in class! i'm just so fustrated w/ my un-motivation... i'm practically failing history ...well not really....but i'm lucky if i get an 80 which seriously pisses me off! and i'm doin it as a higher too! for all u IB peeps out there..i'm supposed to be good at it! and today i got my first draft for my essay back..and i got a 70..i lost a whole mark for not putting the frickin word count! GAH! 1 mark is a lot when the thing's outta 19..crappolis...now i hafta, like, get a 90 on my final draft to pull up my avg...blah.....i hate this....i just wish school was over and that i was playing softball in a field of daisies....=) oops, that's like, two different dreams mixed up....

i luv laurie....i know she's never gonna see this but this way she can be remembered forever....if u ever need cheering up, she's the first person u should go to..=)

how does it happen that all my goodest friends are goin to a formal?? how unfair..i wanna wear a $300 dollar dress too..and get all made up and look glamorous...=P meh..whatever..i'll live....i'm being superficial..shoot

and the madness continues...

2001-05-09T21:07:00.000-07:00

ok i'm cool w/ the fact that we lost...i mean, i never really got my hopes up....but i thought we were better than a team who could get scored against four times in one period....i'm sorry if this is bringing back painful memories...=P.....it's just....unbelievable....

2001-05-09T13:09:00.000-07:00

Hello la!! this is uh uh michelle la... oh wait, i'm not supposed to say that la... this is/... uuhhhh eerrrr VANESSA!!!

alright..i'm so sorry about that...mich is being a freak....she jsut needed that 15 minutes of glory where she can PRETEND to be me....her dream come true...=)

mich says: hahhar very funny you lsoer!!!

2001-05-09T13:07:00.000-07:00

u know what?? i have no self control whatsoever....crap...i have this sneaking feeling that school is over..which is really bad cuz i still have one and a half months to go! grrrr.....and i'm slacking off for everything and i'm so sca-rewed!

steph, i dunno if u're ever gonna have a chance to read this....i hope u will. i can't believe i haven't noticed..i mean, u're really good at hiding these things...but still, i feel like such a hypocrite now. u know how, during snow camp, i cried so hard at ur sharing cuz i felt like i didn't know u anymore and i hadn't been a good friend? well i promised myself that i would check up on u more often and look where it got me...i guess i haven't been doin that...."the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak"...honestly..it goes back to what i said in my last blog....just cuz i don't call u, it doesn't mean that i'm not thinking about u.....but is that really good enuf? i dun think so....not for u anyways....we grew up together and outta all the chruch ppl u're one of the closest ones to my heart...honestly. but sometimes i feel so bad calling u..cuz i know u gotta work..and u always seem so busy whenever u get back cuz i know u got work to do...and i dun wanna keep buggin u.....but everytime i called u for P+P, i was dying to talk to u..to ask u how u were....but i just felt that for some reason, the time wasn't right..so right now i'm not sure....like....i really wanna be able to talk to u, but sometimes i'm afraid to..cuz i dunno if u feel like bringing all this stuff up....or maybe u're busy or something....and maybe i shouldn't be saying all this in my blog...but i just had to get it out..and i hope i'm not one of those friends that have changed....sigh....i'll pray for u....and hopefully talk to u soon....luv ya

u know what really sux....how everyone's so down on kyrios/church...not that i blame u..i know there's lotsa issues that are really controverisal and stuff.....i'd give my few cents worth on this but i'm so sick of talking about it. u know what else? i was talkign to isaac on the phone yesterday,a dn everytime my opinion differs from his, i feel like i'm in the wrong (not at all ur fault isaac, if u're reading this)...and he's so persuasive and sometimes i end up agreeing w/ him..which makes me realize that maybe i'm indecisive....and i'm very sway-able....that's not a word but u know what i mean right? so what if i go thru life like this? not being able to stick to my guns if the person i'm debating w/ is really persuasive? i feel very vulnerable....it's like what happened when i was debating with a whole bunch of people on evolution vs. creation.....the classic debate..and all of a sudden i realized how un-knowledgeable i was (again, that's not a word!) i've gone to sunday school how many years?? and i STILL dont' know how to state an argument for creationism?? what the heck??? i'm such a loser..and not only that......it was only me against like, a bunch of guys...and it was scary..and i feel stoopid...

ok i think that's enuf....i'll go now (says my friend michelle who is reading over my SHOULDER!!!!) harhar.....tata

2001-05-07T21:20:00.000-07:00

Is anyone reading this? hellooooo???? well if u are...then good =)

if i may, i want to thank wes, steph, gordon, timmy, and dave, (an derek) for doin so much for the P+P (which gab did not attend sadly =P)...guys,despite the setbacks ( not having the chapel/drums and what not), i think we really pulled it off. it's really amazing how God can use the bare minimum to do so much! =) i don't know what we'll do w/out u guys next year tho....

i was just reading gordon's last blog..how true it is (unfortunately)! i'm in this funk right now....i'm not growing..and that's all there is to it. I can go to as many discipleship classesas i want, participate in however many church/kyrios activites at once.....but that won't compensate for the lack of growth and fulfillment i'm experiencing. and i know sometimes people think i'm all mature and whatever....and sometimes i feel pressured to appear all "saintly"..but sometimes i'm just not who u think i am....i'm sorry if i disappoint u....u know what? sometimes i think i value my Christianity more for the great people that i get to meet instead of the wonderfulness of being saved and being albe to serve God....=P like, i'm so into having brothers and sisters cuz u guys are all really great....and things like TC, it's so cool how u can meet so many people and we're all (well mostly all ) linked cuz we're all part of God's family...and i feel really comfortable confiding in y'all.....but where does God fit into all of this? kinda reminds me of school (PCA): God is the school teacher who's really nice and who i really admire. He makes learning fun and all, but what i really come to school for is my friends..i dun relaly care about the learning ya know? yah i dunno if that makes sense, but it does to me...

can i clarify something for people? this isn't directed to anyone in particular....it's just something that i hafta make known. i'm not one to call people ok? honestly, i have to FORCE myself to call them sometimes...but don't EVER get the impression that i don't think about u...that i don't worry about u after reading ur blogs or talking to u on icq. well i geuss i shouldn't say worry *smile*..i'm tryin to get over that..but just know that even if i dont' call, don't think that i don't care..seriously...a lot of the time i'm just itching to call people but i just can't force myself to pick up the phone....maybe cuz i never talk to u..or maybe cuz i'm afraid to talk to u....but no matter what, u guys are always in my heart ok?

BAH! i can't believe the leafs lost....it's all ur fault dave! u only watched bits and piece of the game didntcha??? haha j/k...=P

did my SAT's on saturday...SO FUN! getting there at 8:15 in the morning and standing in a mile long line for 5 mins, then finding out i''m standing in the WRONG LINE....then goin to the right line which was twice as long....and having to wait another ten minutes...then seeing this guy i used to go to chinese school w/..weeeird....then finally getting to my room and spending three hours filling in little ovals again and again...yes, i had a blast..but honestly, it was ok...

man, i feel so bad that i didn't go to the "heavenly melody" thing on sunday..wanted to get connections just in case i ever wanted to teach in taiwan during my uni years...don't u think that would be cool?? teaching english to little Mandarin kids? i do...then i could go to taiwan and be REALLY mandarin =) haha.....marion is really lucky...

i am so long-winded..oops....i should really update more often so i don't end up writing an essay every time! ah well what's a blog for right? toodles....=)

2001-05-04T11:54:00.000-07:00

it sux how relationships are one of the main focuses of our teenage lives....ultimately it leads to a lot of heartbreak...i mean, either u choose to date and u get ur heartbroken (most of the time) or u choose not to date and just watch in envy as ur friends cuddle up w/ that special someone..sux that there's no middle ground...unless u're lucky enuf to marry ur first bf/gf...anyways,i'm sure relationshps can screw us over in a lot of other ways but this is what I'm dealing w/ right now ok? grr...very fustrating....but i know in the end we'll all make it thru..and meet great people, and have strong marriages, and be good parents..as long as we still know what our focus is....thank God (literally)..He is my one absolute amidst this whirlwind of emotion...=)

lalala...waiting in anticipation for out P+P tonite....hope everything goes well....we worked hard

i'm feeling very unfulfilled right now....back to my original rant..i know a lot of u are goin thru a lot of pain right now because of stoppid relationship probs....but never knowing what it's like to have a special bond w/ someone can be a big pain in the butt too....i think i'm insecure =( but despite all this.....i think i'll still stick to my little non-dating policy....is anyone reading this understanding what i'm talking about? prolly not....

but u nkow what? i'm grateful for all my friends..my true blue friends...from church, adns chool, and eveyrwhere....u guys make me happy =)

bye la

"life is waiting for u..it's all messed up but we're alive..."

2001-05-03T11:50:00.000-07:00

YEEESSSS!!! i finally have my own blog where i can vent in the wee hours of the morning about how ANNOYING it is to hafta write a stoopid history essay draft! BAH! i think the title of my blog is so appropriate...i'm gonna take out everything on my blog and go psycho so don't mind me...=) hmm...i think its therapeutic powers are already starting to work wonders....=).

*~UPS and downs of LiFe~*

~UPS and downs of LiFe~